Invasion Chapter 1

The ground beneath me solidifies with each step, creating a path over the sunken forest ruins where the Haven once hid. Trees with exposed roots angle against one another like frightened people leaning together. The snow is mostly gone, only clinging to the areas where the ground gets the most shade. Everything else has been churned into mud thanks to hundreds of trapesing boots.

Somewhere behind me, someone organizes the surviving Havenites into search parties for resources. I hear hundreds of voices murmuring to one another or calling out orders, but nothing they say penetrates the wall my mind has created.

It’s impossible for me to look any of them in the eye. I don’t want to know how many died because of my actions. The Haven is gone. Collapsed beneath tons of rocks and dirt because of my anguish. The moment I heard Drake’s screams of agony as the Elders burned him, I became a beast driven by wrath and emotion, with no understanding or logic. Anyone who was in my way I swallowed in the earth or burned with fire.

Grief and disgust rip into me with each step I take away from the survivors Emil managed to get out of the Haven before I lost control. Maybe I am Desolation. I certainly made quick work of destroying the Haven.

A lump swells in my throat, and I swallow hard to dislodge it. Tears burn my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I don’t deserve the right to cry over what I’ve done.

The Elders had collected all my devout followers and forced them to their knees, methodically killing those who refused to accept that I am not who they believe.

Maybe the Elders were right, even if their methods of cleansing the Haven population were extremely twisted. I killed Elders, Havenites, Guardians, and acolytes. Mrs. Garraty died a horrible death as liquified Power stone raced through her blood at my command. I did that to her without hesitation. When Charles Garraty attempted to stab me with a knife, I turned him into stone. Then the massive head of an Idol statue crushed his stone form, grinding him into rubble.

I did that. All of it. I became something horrific.

I sniffle and swallow again, but the lump won’t go away. It cuts off my breath. How could I have done this? I understand the Powers that did my dirty work, but not how I am even capable of such atrocities.

Yet here I am, walking over the mass grave of my making. Each step over the ruins is stiff. I’m in shock and I know it, but I can’t seem to pull myself back from the edge of the abyss. This is wrong. All of it.

In the center of the sunken ruins, the ground rises to support me. Everything else falls away into the pit, creating a moat of mud and forest around me. In some places, the sinkhole is deep enough that one misstep could mean death for the unfortunate soul who stumbles into it.

It’s gone. All of it.

My body won’t allow me to take another step. I sink down, sitting on my heels, hanging my head while forcing myself to hold back tears. I have no right to cry, yet I could fill this earthen moat with my tears.

What am I?

Dad would hate what I’ve done. It reminds me too much of what happened in the Administration Building Courtyard the day of the revolt against the Directorate—how the Directorate Chief ordered the earth to open and swallow protesters whole. What I did is the same. I am no better than the evil that my dad worked so hard to purge from Elpis. He would be ashamed of me.

I’m ashamed of myself.

“Gavin?” Drake’s gentle voice penetrates my despair.

Drake was dead. As dead as a person could be. I didn’t just revive him from death. Somehow, I healed him. A few scars remain on his skin, but most of the signs of his death have been erased. I don’t even know what I did, overcome with grief as I was. I brought him back yet can’t bring myself to look at him. What will I see in his eyes? Revulsion? Anger? Pity? I’m not sure what’s worse.

Shoes thump against a hollow wooden plank behind me. I don’t know where the plank came from. I can’t even glance back. Instead, I bury my face in my hands so Drake won’t see my grief.

He says nothing when he reaches me. Drake sinks down beside me and pulls me into his arms. I want to pull away—I don’t deserve his touch—but I lean against him. As if his touch were a hammer to my wall, the dam breaks. I cry for each person lost beneath us, for each life I took and each I couldn’t save.

Just as he did on the boat months ago during our journey to the Haven, Drake says nothing. He simply hugs me close, offering silent support I don’t deserve. I lose track of time, of the tears, of my sense of self.

At some point, a gentle rain falls. Despite the cold, Drake’s warmth holds the chills at bay. When I have nothing left in me to cry, I close my eyes and allow the exhaustion to sweep over me, dozing in his arms.

A gentle prodding wakes me. I don’t know how long I snoozed against him.

“Everyone is ready for you,” Drake says softly as I pull back.

There is no pity, anger, or disgust in his eyes when I dare to steal a glance. But the compassion and adoration in his eyes is almost as bad because I don’t deserve it.

Both of us are soaked. The rain gives his hair a sheen in the afternoon sunshine. His hands cradle my face.

“We don’t blame the sun for burning our skin if we don’t respect its power,” he says. His thumb strokes my cheek.

My gaze flicks past him. Hundreds of Havenites crowd on the other side of a makeshift plank, watching. Waiting. But not with fear, as I would have expected. They should fear me. I can’t place the emotion they all share as they watch me, but it makes me uncomfortable. I quickly avert my gaze toward the ground.

“Do you want to go home, Gavin?” he asks.

I nod stiffly.

Drake’s hands slide down, taking mine as he rises. “Then let’s go.”

“We—” My voice cracks, then cuts out completely. It takes a few swallows to manage putting words together. “We need food. Resources. We don’t have anything for all these people.”

“We have enough for now.” Drake pulls me up. “Emil, Ally, and Ajax organized foraging parties earlier. We know how to survive on little out here.”

The moment I’m on my feet, Drake lets go of my hands and steps back. It takes me a moment to realize he is trying to keep some distance, so no one realizes what we are to one another—what we were. Does he still want me? That he might have changed his mind devastates my soul. If he rejects me, I will collapse in on myself like a dying star. And who knows how many others will go down with me, sucked into my black hole.

Drake studies me as we stand on our own little island. The Havenites remain on the other side of the earthen moat, watching us. Watching me. Whether Drake senses my worry about his feelings toward me, I can’t be certain. But he edges closer, trembling. Is he scared of me, or of the people watching us?

“Nothing has changed for me, Gavin,” Drake whispers. “I think you need to hear that.”

I tremble as well, but not because I worry about how the people will react. The only reaction that matters to me is his.

Drake turns to walk the plank. I can’t let him leave.

I need to tell him, to make sure he understands the depth of my need for him. If nothing has changed for him—please let that be true!—then I will no longer hide. The last time I took a chance similar to this had been with Liam years ago. He had harshly rejected me in front of everyone, then never spoke to me again. A week later, he had a steady girlfriend. Ever since, I’ve been terrified of taking this leap. But the fear of losing Drake broke something in me down in that temple.

Part of me worries how the Havenites will react. Will they condemn us? Will they second-guess their beliefs that our relationship is a sin, since they consider me their savior? The Elders burned Drake for this. But none of these people have the Power to stop us. They can either accept us or find their own way in the wild.

I won’t let another day pass without him knowing how I feel. I can’t.

“Wait.” I snatch his hand and pull him toward me.

Gripping his hand tightly in my own, I slide my other hand to cradle the side of his face, then back along the nape of his neck. Drake tenses, and his gaze darts to the Havenites watching us.

“Gavin…” His voice is weak. He’s nervous, and rightly so after what they did to him. But if anyone else dares to try touching Drake, I will grind them into dust.

“I love you,” I say it loud enough for at least the closest Havenites to hear me.

Drake’s lips part, but he says nothing. His hand shakes fiercely in mine, but he doesn’t pull away. Taking that as a positive sign, I press my luck a little further. “I am completely in love with you,” I say. My heart hammers wildly, not because of our audience, but because admitting all of this aloud puts everything between us on the line. “You are the colors of the cosmos, ebbing and flowing and beautiful…and always there.” The words harken back to our conversation on the boat months ago. At the time, I had spoken of my love for my family. I need him to understand that he is part of that to me now.

Drake’s dark eyes search mine. I hold my breath, waiting for some response. His tension is apparent in the muscles in his neck, and the way his grip on my hand tightens.

The Havenites murmur to one another as they watch us. Their feelings on this are unclear to me. I don’t care. I only care how he feels about this.

“Gavin,” he says, his voice cracking over my name. “I already told you…” He swallows. Will he reject me in front of everyone because of their beliefs? “I’m absolutely mad about you.”

Relief floods through me. A burden lifts off my shoulders as our lips make contact. I don’t care what any of the Havenites think. I won’t keep Drake at arm’s length to spare their feelings. If these people chose me as their Idol, they will learn to accept this as well. Bolstered by this reprieve, I deepen the kiss. Drake responds positively, though he still trembles in my arms.

When he pulls back, there is no shame or guilt in his eyes. They shine like stars, and it warms my insides.

Drake lifts our clasped hands. The bracelets slip along our wrists a fraction—bracelets he salvaged from a pre-Collapse shopping mall and later gave one to me. His is charred, but still in one piece. I brush my thumb over the wave medallion on his bracelet. The crest reminds me of the ebb and flow of the cosmos.

My own mountain medallion vibrates in response to the touch. Our fingers lace together. All around us, Havenites continue murmuring to one another, watching us. I can’t tell their reactions, but it doesn’t matter.

“My love is and will always be yours,” I say, reciting the inscriptions on the back of the face of each bracelet.

“My love is and will always be yours,” Drake whispers. His lips brush against mine again. Does he have any idea how much I needed this? His acceptance of me despite what I’ve done, his rock-solid support and affection, are the foundation of my fragile stability.

“Let’s go home,” he murmurs.

A sense of peace washes over me. Drake doesn’t hate me or pity me for what I’ve done. He loves me despite it all. Knowing that he will stand by me even at my worst gives me the strength I didn’t know I had or needed.

I nod. “Home.”

Hand-in-hand, we cross the plank. Havenites stare at us as we enter their ranks, but no one says anything. Emil smirks slightly and gives a brief nod of approval. Ally stands close to him, but I can’t tell what her curious expression means. Ajax puffs up with self-importance as he raises his chin, watching Drake and me. The reactions are mixed, but I can’t tell what most of them mean.

I pause when I sense something else in the earth. A familiar electronic signal. The earth pushes it upward at my command, shifting around it until it rises to the surface.

I crouch and retrieve my Elpis radio.

Home, then I will go after my sister.